I’m a fan of books like Jules Verne’s “Around the World in 80 Days” and H. G. Well’s “The Time Machine.” These are great books, truly classics. If you’ve read them, you’ll remember how the gentleman of the day would meet at a club, have a leisurely lunch and then retire to library for brandy and conversation. They would apparently talk for hours about all the important subjects of the day. When was the last time you sat with a group of co-workers or friends and talked for hours about the important subjects of the day? When was the last time you did that for more than 10 minutes?
I’m afraid we are losing the art of dialog. Our “conversations” now are more likely to be texted, emailed or tweeted. Can you really have a conversation when you are limited to 140 characters? Email is a horrendous way to communicate most things, but is texting or Twitter any better? Why don’t we just talk to each other more?
And when we do talk, we don’t really dialogue. We have meetings. We solve problems. We try to get the conversations over as quickly as possible. Or, those who talk never listen. They simply rant about their views and what they think is right. “Talk” radio had exploded, but that’s not dialogue, its broadcast ranting. Go to Congress and listen to a “debate”. They aren’t debating anything. They are taking turns shouting their opinions and not listening to a word the other side says – except for how they can use it against them.
If you go to the Internet (the font of all knowledge) you’ll find hundreds of articles and books about dialogue and conversation. Unfortunately, you’ll find books – and not conversations. (Well, maybe on YouTube – I didn’t check there). So how do we get our voices back? I propose three steps.
First – you gotta wanna. This is a great line from “The Great Game of Business” by Jack Stack. The fundamental principle is sound, unless you want to make change, you won’t. If you agree with me that our world would be a better place if we’d simply engage in productive dialogues, then the first step is to start. Make it important. Schedule and protect time – not for meetings with agendas – just for discussion.
Second – you need to listen. As my mom used to say, “God gave you two ears and one mouth.” We need to listen twice as much as we talk. As Stephen Covey says “Seek first to understand and then be understood.” You can’t carry on a conversation if you don’t know what the other guy is saying. If you listen, without worrying about your response or discrediting the speaker, maybe you’ll learn something that could inform your opinion.
Third – talk, with respect and civility. Don’t speak as if you are the master of the universe, but instead as one small member of a very large pool of society. Be humble, but assertive. You have a voice. Hopefully you have well formed opinions. Don’t be afraid to speak up for them – not to win the argument – but to enrich the discussion and improve the dialogue.
We don’t have to have men’s clubs, libraries and brandy snifters to have a good conversation (but wouldn’t it be great if we could). We can bring back dialogue. We just have to sit down and talk about it.