Be Who You Want to Be

A few weeks ago I quoted Gandhi – “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” That quote is similar to what a coach once told me that distills down to “be who you want to be.” His premise was if you want to move up in the organization, you need to look and act like the people you want to associate with. So, if in your organization management wears ties, you should wear a tie. If management reads “strategic business stuff” you should write “strategic business stuff”. I think you get the picture.

This first struck me as sucking up – as being disingenuous – as putting on a mask that covered who I really was and instead made me look like someone else. It sounded like playing politics. But the more I’ve thought about it, maybe there is some truth in what he said.

We all like people or are like us – it’s human nature. So, it makes sense that if you are trying to build a reputation – or a brand – with people above you in the organization they are more likely to want to associate with you and thereby give you the opportunity to show what you know if they feel you are “like” them. You can build credibility simply by the people you associate with – aka affinity marketing.

So the advice was, if you want to be seen as an expert in your field, it will help if you a) look like an expert, b) talk and write like an expert and c) associate with other experts. It makes perfect sense, right?

But the counter-culture lover in me says – why can’t they respect me for who I am? How can I express my style, my feelings, and my personality and still fit into their image of what I’m supposed to be? Why can’t an irreverent, sarcastic, laid back guy be perceived as an expert by “Type A” executives?

Therein lies the conundrum for you to ponder over the weekend. Who are you, and who do you want to be? Better yet – what do you want to achieve professionally? If you desire to move up in your organization is your current “brand” making that more difficult? Is there value in “getting along to go along” and then letting your style leak back out after you’ve gained their respect? It’s not about pandering, or being untrue, or sucking up, but maybe it is about how you are perceived and how much energy you should put into managing that perception.

Something to think about … and I’d appreciate hearing what you have to say on this subject.

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Street Coaching

I recently heard of a woman who worked as an Executive Coach. She had PhD and a Masters degree in Psychology and Counseling and felt confident that no one could be an effective coach without similar academic training. I also know a guy who calls himself an Executive Coach. He attended a two-day seminar to learn how to be a coach. Both felt they were appropriately prepared. Personally I’m somewhere in the middle. I’ve got a good education, but not in Counseling or Psychology. I’ve been to lots of seminars – but none on coaching. But, I’ve spent over 20 years as an HR executive – coaching. I’ve been helping mangers manage, and executives lead. The woman I mentioned I’d call an “academic” coach and the guy maybe a “seminar” coach. As for me, I call it Street Coaching.

Anyone can be a street coach – but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to become one. There is no formal training, although some training probably won’t hurt. Being an effective street coach does take experience – better yet let’s call it practice. Here are 4 C’s that make street coaching work.

Caring – Before you can coach someone, you have to care about them and their situation. You have to put yourself in their shoes, understand where they are and where they want to go. That doesn’t mean you have to have done everything they’ve done – but you do have to understand the situation, the dynamics and the goal. As John Maxwell says – “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Candid – What makes street coaching different than therapy is that there is an in-your-face quality to it. A good street coach doesn’t “waste” time exploring the motivation behind your client’s actions. It’s not about whether you had a good relationship with your Father. It’s about what are you going to do the next time this situation comes up. Street coaching is about changing behavior to get results and my experience says that you will be more effective if you don’t beat around the bush. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, angry or abusive. It simply means that you have to be direct.

Consistency – as a good friend of mine says “for someone to hear your message you have to repeat it seven times.” While I can’t find the research behind this I believe it to be true – especially when you are talking about management skills and related behaviors. While your client may intuitively understand the coaching you give them the first time you say it – it is not likely that they will internalize it and begin to practice it immediately. You’ll need to say the same thing over and over again using different communication methods before it really begins to stick.

Concise – Have you ever asked someone’s advice and then had to listen to them give you that advice for hours on end? An effective street coach spends 2-3 more times listening than they do talking. So when they talk they need to use their words effectively and be concise. Back to John Maxwell – one of his 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership is the Law of EF Hutton – because as the commercials used to say “When EF Hutton speaks – people listen.” Because a good street coach doesn’t talk just to hear himself speak – people will listen and pay attention.

If you want to be an effective street coach, try practicing these 4 C’s. And then keep practicing over, and over, and over ….